


Disbelief

by raelee514



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 08:26:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11009673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raelee514/pseuds/raelee514
Summary: Thomas is not used to this.





	Disbelief

Thomas wasn’t quite sure what it was he was seeing. He walked into the servants hall after hearing Mrs. Hughes shouting and furniture moving. He froze the moment he stepped into the room. Jimmy and a visiting valet were pummeling each other. Alfred was trying to get at Jimmy but another visiting valet was holding him back. 

“Stop it, stop this now,” Mrs. Hughes yelled. 

The valet punched Jimmy in the face. “Nancy lover,” he shouted at him.

“SOD OFF,” Jimmy yelled ignoring the bloody nose. 

Thomas realized what was going on and felt everything inside of turn to steel. “JIMMY,” he shouted and he shoved himself past Alfred and the other valet and grabbed hold of him. “Jimmy,” he hissed in his ear, yanking him back. 

“You’re the one going to hell,” Jimmy yelled, a live wire in Thomas’s grip. “Bloody bastard.”

“Jimmy,” Thomas hissed again. 

“Look, the pansy is saving him,” the other guy yelled. 

Thomas swallowed down his reaction and kept pulling at Jimmy. It took quite a bit of work. Jimmy swearing and struggling wanting to fight. But Thomas managed to him outside. Jimmy shoved Thomas away from him and stood there breathing harshly, seemingly unaware of his bloody nose. Mrs. Hughes stepped outside behind them just in time of hear Jimmy swear.

“That arsehole…”

“James,” Mrs. Hughes scolded. “If you would like to explain why you started a battle of fisticuffs with our guests?”

“STARTED?” he shouted. 

“James,” Thomas hissed at him and glared at him, right into his eyes. And all he saw was rage. 

“He… that… “ he stammered his eyes darted to Thomas and Mrs. Hughes. “ That bloody arsehole…” 

“Language!” Mrs. Hughes chastised. “Now, James…”

“I did nothing bloody wrong,” Jimmy yelled. 

Thomas pulled in his cheek his own rage trying to take control but he couldn’t let it. He couldn’t allow that because too much was at stake. “I think, James and I should discuss this alone and then we’ll report to you, Mrs. Hughes. If that is all right?”

Mrs. Hughes looked between them and Thomas thought the worry in his eyes border lined fear. Her gaze met Thomas’s a final time and she nodded. “Make it quickly, Mr. Carson is due back any moment.”

“We’ll get the story straight,” Thomas promised. 

“I do hope so,” Mrs. Hughes sighed. “I’ll talk to our guests first.”

As she went inside Alfred darted out and had his mouth open to ask questions but both Thomas and Jimmy looked a him and shouted. “Not now.”

Alfred looked contritely at them and turned around. 

Thomas lit two cigarettes and handed one to Jimmy. He needed the motion. He needed to think clearly. He couldn’t give into the urge to shake Jimmy and scream at him but when he spoke it was an angry hiss. “What the bloody hell were you doing?” 

“He started going on and on about you. How he knew just by looking at you, that the rumors were true. Kept saying daft and offensive things…” Jimmy spat out every word tainted by rage. Smoke circling around from his unsmoked cigarette and his other hand clenched in a fist. 

“And?” Thomas prompted because as angry Jimmy sounded that couldn’t have been all it was — something else had to have prompted this. Jimmy wasn’t stupid it was just now and again he was short-sightedly impulsive. 

“And?” Jimmy stared at him. “And? Like that’s not enough, they were both right aresholes but then he started on about how you should be stoned.”

“Ah, stoned…” Thomas inhaled deeply on the cigarette pushing away fear and anger. Detaching himself from it because there was no other choice. There never was another choice in the matter. “I haven’t heard that one in while, “ he said flatly as he exhaled smoke. He watched it whirl in the air between him and Jimmy. 

“You haven’t….” Jimmy sputtered. “They deserve my fist in their faces, both of them… I wasn’t done wanted to break his bloody nose.”

“STOP IT,” Thomas yelled back. “Just STOP IT, JIMMY. AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE BLOODY DOING.”

He staggered back at Thomas’ outburst and shook his head a few times. Then he was staring at Thomas with a baffled look on his face. “You’re mad at me. You’re MAD AT ME.”

“Yes, you stupid fool! What did you expect?

“I… Thomas.” Jimmy shook his head.

“They’ll think you’re like me, Jimmy. And you don’t want that do you…” Thomas sighed and started thinking. He had to figure this out. “But maybe we can counteract it. Carson will be livid of course, but I think we’ll be able to get you out of too much trouble there… if we spin it right.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re going to have to apologize. Carson will want you to too.”

“I’m not apologizing to them.”

“Yes, you are,” Thomas glared at Jimmy and suddenly the blood clotting around his nostrils bothered him. He was getting less and less angry. But his frustration was high. He pulled out his handkerchief and walked over to Jimmy and applied it to his nose. Jimmy made a pained groan but allowed him to do it. Thomas applied some pressure the grabbed one of Jimmy hands and handed the job over to him. 

“I’m not sorry, Thomas,” Jimmy said after a beat.

“You’ll say it anyway.”

“Thomas he…”

“Was discussing a man behaving in direct opposition to God and man’s laws.”

“But…”

“He was railing against an abomination…”

“You want me to punch you in the face too?” Jimmy yelled his anger clear.

Thomas sighed again and closed his eyes for moment. “Jimmy, they were doing nothing — that isn’t expected. There are rumors about me, most have the decorum to not mention them. Some feel they need to make it clear they are unhappy to be near…. Someone like me.”

“They’re fucking wrong, they can’t… they can’t just hate you for…” suddenly Jimmy deflated and he looked away from Thomas. “And I was just like them.”

“You were,” Thomas agreed

“I…” Jimmy looked up guilt having taken over his expression.

Thomas couldn’t handle it and he shook his head. “Don’t…”

“But…”

“No,” Thomas snapped.

Jimmy frowned. 

“You need to apologize to them. Now,” Thomas said, he had to get them back on track. “If we can get that in before Carson shows up, all the better for you….we don’t have time.”

“I’m not going to…”

Thomas stepped into Jimmy’s personal space and stared down at him. “James, this isn’t a suggestion.”

“You’re pulling rank!”

“Yes, I bloody am… you sodding fool!”

Rage took over Jimmy’s features again and it seemed worse than before. But maybe it was because the anger was pointed at him. He huffed at Thomas and walked around in a circle. “I’m not sorry I tried to break his face”

“Well, breathe and calm down. Fast.”

“This is bloody wrong, Thomas.”

“I know,” he finally admitted. “I do. But it is the way it is.” He looked away from Jimmy, unable to look at him in that moment All of it becoming too much. How angry he was on his behalf. How violent he was on his behalf. The guilt for his own unflattering thoughts and feelings. It was overwhelming Thomas. But he had to stay collected. He had to keep Jimmy’s job safe. He couldn’t lose the only person he had…. He had to get Jimmy past and through this miscalculation. 

“You are going to apologize. You are going to say you thought they meant you. You are going to say you are disgusted by it, of course. You are going to be contrite and you are going to beg Carson forgiveness.”

“Thomas…” Jimmy started to argue. 

“Or you’ll be fired.”

Jimmy’s mouth snapped closed. 

“Do you get it yet?” Thomas hissed.

Jimmy nodded and then he finally put the cigarette to his mouth. 

Thomas felt a rush of relief even though it was far from over. “Now let’s get inside and hope you can get out the apology before Carson gets back.”

Jimmy clenched his jaw and dropped the cigarette and crushed it under his heal. “Fucking wrong though…” he muttered as he pushed past Thomas and into the Abbey. 

~~~

An hour later Thomas was shaking as he closed the door to his room behind him. He wasn’t sure how, he suspected it was Mrs. Hughes, but somehow all Jimmy gotten a shouted lecture and demoted to 2nd footman. Though, that was bound to change in time because Alfred’s willingness to do the work never meant he was any good at it. Thomas felt profound relief but it didn’t change the fact he was pissed off at Jimmy. He didn’t want to be and a piece of him was saying he shouldn’t be — he shouldn’t be at all. 

But he was petrified. 

There was knock on the door. A hard one and Thomas felt the door vibrate behind him. He turned and opened it. He knew it was going to be. Jimmy’s face was cleaned up, his hair wet and in his vest and pants. Thomas watched him enter his room like he belonged in it and his heart thumped oddly against his chest. Jimmy sat down on the chair — his chair — really and leaned over his elbows on his thighs. 

Thomas closed the door behind again and shrugged off his jacket and started pulling out his bowtie and collar. He felt Jimmy watching him and he wondered if he was waiting for Thomas to say something. Because he didn’t know what to say and he was afraid he would shout but there had been enough drama for the night. 

“Why?” Jimmy asked as Thomas shrugged out of his shirt and down to his vest. 

Thomas looked at him and wondered if he given Jimmy too much credit for intellect. Jimmy glared back at him and looked away for a moment. 

“You’re pissed at me… why?”

“Why? You put your reputation at risk for one? You could’ve gotten fired for another…” Thomas listed and walked over to his bed to sit down, his legs felt shaky. All of him was shaking. “You could’ve gotten hurt far worse than you did…”

“I’m not hurt… fine my face is a bit numb right now and it will probably hurt like a bitch later. But…” 

“But you were wrong,” Thomas said. 

“What?”

“You were wrong.”

“I was wrong to stand up for you?”

“Yes. It was stupid. What did you expect to happen? Everyone to go, oh if you think he’s okay we won’t be disgusted anymore?”

Jimmy stared at him for a long time and then sighed. “Fine. No good came from it… you’re right are you happy?”

“No.”

Jimmy groaned and suddenly he was standing. Thomas felt the dual rush of disappointment and relief that he was leaving but instead he came up to Thomas and stood in front of him. “I’m not stupid. You were right about groveling and all to keep my job. Mrs. Hughes probably saved my arse — and you. I don’t much care if Carson thinks I’m foul just be associating with you. He probably thought that as it was… and he’s never liked me. But I do my job well — better than Alfred. Second footman stings but it’ll get switched back around…” Jimmy let out breathe. “But…”

“There is no but.”

“You aren’t any of the bloody things they were saying… they kept saying things about you that just weren’t true. And I used to think every single fucking one of them too.”

“Jimmy…”

“But I know better now and I got pissed off… at them and at me.”

“Jimmy,” Thomas warned because he was terrified at what might come next. 

Jimmy squatted down in front of him and caught Thomas gaze, willed him to meet his own and Thomas found himself powerless too and embarrassed because his eyes were filling with his tears. “Thomas, you stand up for me all the time. All the time. And look out for me when I do impulsive things I wouldn’t do if I just thought about it all for a second. And tonight you saved my damn ass — again. And you… You deserve someone standing up for you. So, I don’t bloody care if it pissed you off. I don’t bloody care if those arseholes want to make assumptions about me. The only thing that would’ve bothered me was if I had gotten fired for it — but not because I did it. Just that wouldn’t be able to see you.”

Thomas swallowed and looked away. He didn’t even dare breathe because he was sure he would cry and his voice would be took broken to make out any words. Not that he had any to say. 

“Yeah, well… I just wanted to say that.” Jimmy moved up to his full height and his hand lowered down onto Thomas shoulder and squeezed it tightly. “We’re best mates, Thomas,” he said before letting go and walking out of the room. 

Somehow he waited until the door closed and then Thomas lost his war and the sound of a loud sob filled the room. But it wasn’t sadness and pain. It was being overwhelmed by the opposite. Friendship and happiness. Relief. He wasn’t alone but it felt so tenuous. His hand went to where Jimmy gripped his shoulder and he wiped at his eyes. 

Jimmy cared and Thomas wondered if he would ever be able to cope with it. But a smile flickered on his face and he closed his eyes and allowed himself to feel it. To feel that their friendship was real. To believe in it. Even if he could only hold onto it as the truth for a few moments. Maybe if he practiced his heart would believe it some day. It would be as easy to understand as his own love for Jimmy.


End file.
